We all begin our journey in this life the same way--we're born into it as spiritual beings housed in physical bodies. I must say that I am at a loss to understand how this arrangement is even possible. How can my spirit tolerate the confines of this physical body? How can lightness and freedom become heaviness and limitation? Yet, this is how the human race exists, on this beautiful, small orb we call planet Earth, perfectly situated for our survival in a universe whose vastness is beyond our comprehension.
Our God is awesome to have made all this, and me. He knew me before there was any of me; my body, personality, and the entire course of my life, down to the minute of my last breath and return to the lightness of spiritual being. He MADE me.
I was born for a purpose and with dreams God planted in me. Unfortunately, as happens very often, children as God intended and created them to be do not always meet their parents' expectations. Such was my case.
Going as far back as my memories can take me, I remember being very confident, happy, and more than a little boisterous. I liked being the center of attention. My parents had other plans for me, however, and the re-molding of Lynne began.
"Be quiet! You're so loud! Now go sit down and be still." And my all-time favorite, "You're too sensitive!"
I learned early on that little girls were quiet, polite, and did little girl things. They tried to get me to play with my sisters and their *choke* dolls. I wanted nothing to do with it, but at my mother's insistence and to please the sisters, I gave in to some girlie play time with dolls. My duty completed and vowing never to do that again, I promptly left the house and climbed the weeping willow tree in the back yard so no one would find me, and so I could daydream about my favorite thing--horses.
I don't know why God gives certain people certain talents, abilities, or dreams and aspirations, but I do know that for some reason, horses are in my DNA. The thought of one day being able to ride was about all I remember spending mental energy on as I passed my early childhood days. I played with model horses, climbed that tree in the back yard where no one would find me, and imagined what it would be like to ride these wonderful animals. As the breeze blew through the leaves and my dark hair, I could absolutely imagine feeling the wind blow my hair back as I cantered along on my horse through a field of tall grass. And I prayed, "God, please give me a horse".
My parents knew these horse crazy dreams of mine could not be squashed as easily as the rest of me was. I could change to get along, but I would not give up this part of me. I begged and begged to learn to ride, until they were worn down. To their credit, they did listen and they did embrace this part of who I was created to be.
When I was nearly 11 years old my family moved into a custom-built house on a few acres in the beautiful, hilly countryside of upstate New York, that included a barn near the house.
A few weeks later, on the way home from an errand with my mother, as we turned onto our road I noticed that we were following a horse trailer. That was MY horse. I remember grasping the dashboard of the car, scooting to the edge of my seat, and gasping in shock and excitement. I will never forget that day as long as I live.
I welcomed my dreams into my reality with open arms and a heart full of passion. That horse was joined by another horse. One horse left, then years later, another (I learned the parents giveth and the parents taketh away without discussion). I moved to NC, went to school, got married, had 4 children, and the years flew by. Twenty-some years after I had to say goodbye to my childhood horse friend, it was time to listen to my soul and make horses a part of my life again. I did, without hesitation or doubt.
Horses have taught me many spiritual lessons, including trust, and have seen me through some gut wrenching, tough times. Time spent with my horses and riding through God's beautiful creation kept me centered and in touch with my Source of strength. I'm not sure I would have made it through my dark times without my equine companions.
This early childhood dream and its realization has been key in helping bolster my faith throughout my life. Whenever I think of praying in faith, this childhood experience is "with God, all things are possible" in the flesh.
I learned something important--my dreams and God's plans are not necessarily opposed or exclusive of one another. Don't forget who made you, and don't forget that he loves to give us all good things.
What are your God-given dreams and how have they manifested in your life? I'd love to hear your story!
Photo Credit: © 2006 Lynne Holder
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
I have a confession to make...
When I started this blog I promised that I would be honest. I am a bad liar, so it's not a stretch for me to be honest, but it is not hard for me to hide the truth either. That's what I have done and that's what I must confess.
In the last post of November 25th I wrote about my injury. I thought this was going to be a simple matter of a muscle sprain/strain, I would go to the chiropractor a few times and, given a few weeks of healing, all would be right again. I was wrong.
The fork in the path that I have been forced to take has been the detour from hell. Okay, I know that it could have been much worse than it was (call me a Drama Queen--I will own it). Let's say this has been the detour from purgatory. I didn't want to talk about it, write about it, give it any attention, or even believe it was happening. I also did not want anyone to know the side of me that reacts like a spoiled child.
I was fully entrenched in denial because this injury, coupled with other recent physical challenges, has meant a complete 180 degree turn from the person I have been. I've taken extraordinarily good care of myself over the years by eating well and working out 3-4 times a week at cardio fitness and weight training. I didn't know how to, nor did I want to, be otherwise.
"Unacceptable", I told God, "This must be fixed. Why is this happening after all I've done to be healthy and fit? I will not be that 'sick person'. What about my dreams? Are they all meant to die while my energy is expended trying to be well again?"
I ran down all the reasons why I didn't deserve to suffer and why my husband of only 9 months did not deserve a wife so unlike the woman he fell in love with.
I found myself sliding down the slippery slope of despair; this injury being the last straw in a basket full of challenges over the last 2 years. I concluded that whoever said their 50s were a wonderful, liberating time of life, LIED. I remember laughing in the face of menopause and expecting this phase of my life to be a breeze, and yet here I am in a situation I find completely unacceptable. I am angry on top of being unhappy about this part of my journey.
So there is the honest truth about what has been happening and how I have been thinking this last month since my injury. And why my blog has gathered dust since my last post in November. It has been exhausting, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually; not to mention financially, from treatments that are going to put the chiropractor's firstborn through the next semester at his out-of-state private college.
Hang on--there is a brighter side to the story. I have learned in my life's journey that when I have been forced to slow down, God has a reason--a lesson, a message for me. These are teaching moments if I allow myself to be teachable. That means I have to stop whining, kicking, screaming, and pushing against what is.
Once I quieted down and began to open up and listen, I believe God is pointing me to different paths than I had my heart set on traveling. I may yet travel those paths, but just not when I had planned.
Focus on walking the path in the image above. This is what God has taught me, is reminding me of again, and what I wish to share with you: Travel the journey this way; a couple hundred feet at a time, trusting that the rest of the path will unfold in God's time. Do not be afraid. Be in the moment. See the beauty in what is, right now, and let your gratitude for it be heard, loud and clear. Seek Me in the now. Everything has a purpose.
In the last post of November 25th I wrote about my injury. I thought this was going to be a simple matter of a muscle sprain/strain, I would go to the chiropractor a few times and, given a few weeks of healing, all would be right again. I was wrong.
The fork in the path that I have been forced to take has been the detour from hell. Okay, I know that it could have been much worse than it was (call me a Drama Queen--I will own it). Let's say this has been the detour from purgatory. I didn't want to talk about it, write about it, give it any attention, or even believe it was happening. I also did not want anyone to know the side of me that reacts like a spoiled child.
I was fully entrenched in denial because this injury, coupled with other recent physical challenges, has meant a complete 180 degree turn from the person I have been. I've taken extraordinarily good care of myself over the years by eating well and working out 3-4 times a week at cardio fitness and weight training. I didn't know how to, nor did I want to, be otherwise.
"Unacceptable", I told God, "This must be fixed. Why is this happening after all I've done to be healthy and fit? I will not be that 'sick person'. What about my dreams? Are they all meant to die while my energy is expended trying to be well again?"
I ran down all the reasons why I didn't deserve to suffer and why my husband of only 9 months did not deserve a wife so unlike the woman he fell in love with.
I found myself sliding down the slippery slope of despair; this injury being the last straw in a basket full of challenges over the last 2 years. I concluded that whoever said their 50s were a wonderful, liberating time of life, LIED. I remember laughing in the face of menopause and expecting this phase of my life to be a breeze, and yet here I am in a situation I find completely unacceptable. I am angry on top of being unhappy about this part of my journey.
So there is the honest truth about what has been happening and how I have been thinking this last month since my injury. And why my blog has gathered dust since my last post in November. It has been exhausting, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually; not to mention financially, from treatments that are going to put the chiropractor's firstborn through the next semester at his out-of-state private college.
Hang on--there is a brighter side to the story. I have learned in my life's journey that when I have been forced to slow down, God has a reason--a lesson, a message for me. These are teaching moments if I allow myself to be teachable. That means I have to stop whining, kicking, screaming, and pushing against what is.
Once I quieted down and began to open up and listen, I believe God is pointing me to different paths than I had my heart set on traveling. I may yet travel those paths, but just not when I had planned.
Focus on walking the path in the image above. This is what God has taught me, is reminding me of again, and what I wish to share with you: Travel the journey this way; a couple hundred feet at a time, trusting that the rest of the path will unfold in God's time. Do not be afraid. Be in the moment. See the beauty in what is, right now, and let your gratitude for it be heard, loud and clear. Seek Me in the now. Everything has a purpose.
"Go forward gladly and unafraid. I am with you." - God Calling, by A.J. Russell
Thursday, November 25, 2010
The Fork in the Path
I have big dreams--those that have taken up permanent residence in my mind and heart. One has been my companion since my earliest memories. Others came at different points in my life and seemed to be triggered by major events, but the "newcomers" hold no less passion for me than the one I feel is part of my DNA. I was born to make that dream my reality.
I will get more specific about each of my dreams in a future post, but today, I would like my readers to look at the photo at the top of this blog.
See that fork in the path? Place yourself in that picture. See yourself looking at each path, and feel yourself wondering which one you should take. Each path is only visible for a short distance before disappearing into the woods.
What lies beyond the bend? Do you wonder if it leads somewhere that will bring a happy surprise, or turn into a disappointing dead end?
There are times you get to choose your path and other times, your path is chosen for you through no control of your own. The latter tends to bring some big challenges, testing your faith in the Dream Giver and teaching you exactly what you need to learn (and master) before you may move forward.
I can hear a collective gasp at the thought of "no control". No control equals fear and being forced to live outside of one's comfort zone. We do love our comfort, especially in American culture. We Americans are spoiled rotten by our ease and comfort, and unless you have been outside this great country's borders and have seen what this life has brought to other cultures, you will remain as one who wears blinders. But I digress......that is also for a future post.
This week, I moved down the path toward the dream that never sleeps--my inexhaustible desire to be with horses. I had not been around these lovely animals for 2 years and could hardly stand to wait any longer.
My very generous friends and acquaintances at Union Hill Polo Club welcomed me and my husband, Leland, to the polo grounds on Sunday to watch a match and take photographs. Afterward, my very sweet and generous friend, Tina, offered me the opportunity to cool down her mare, Tobi. I gladly wore Tina's sweaty helmet and hopped on Tobi to walk her around for her cooldown. I have long admired this fearless polo pony and was very happy to just walk her around the arena.
The club owner, Eric, then kindly allowed me to ride one of his horses, Nicki (sorry if I have misspelled her name). Nicki is the most laid back horse I have ever sat on--what we in the equestrian community call "bomb proof". Not only does she possess a wonderful temperment, but she is a dream to ride, with smooth, comfortable gaits. I happily rode Nicki around the arena, walking, trotting, and then into a canter. I felt as though I had never stopped riding, thanks to Nicki's easy gaits.
Just one word sums up time in the saddle--bliss.
Then it happened. I felt a tug in my back and I knew this was not a good sign. At that moment, life took me down the fork in the path that I never would have chosen of my own accord.
A day and a half later, I found myself with terrible back pain, in the chiropractor's office. I lay there with my back muscles in spasms, in tears, due not only to the pain, but the maddening halt to pursuing this desire of my heart to ride. I had to ask God, "Why?" And I wondered how in the world I could have done any damage riding such easy horses. It wasn't as though I was careening down the arena, leaning off my horse while taking swipes at the ball with a mallet.
Along my journey, I have learned a few simple facts: There is a reason for everything, and the timing of the realization of dreams is not ours, but God's. As a result, there is peace in the pain. And while I am not the most patient person on this planet (gross understatement there), learning this has taught me to release my outcomes and to actually trust God for my dreams. Yes, that means loosening the white-knuckle grip I have on them and surrendering all of my dreams entirely to His will. Since He gave them to me, it should be up to Him to determine how they show up, or whether they show up.
Now I know, whatever the outcome, it's all good when I believe, and am grateful, that He has what is best for me in His heart, and really does want me to be happy. That state of being is the receiving mode for all blessings.
Dear Reader, it is my hope that these words will encourage your heart today.
Much love,
Lynne
I will get more specific about each of my dreams in a future post, but today, I would like my readers to look at the photo at the top of this blog.
See that fork in the path? Place yourself in that picture. See yourself looking at each path, and feel yourself wondering which one you should take. Each path is only visible for a short distance before disappearing into the woods.
What lies beyond the bend? Do you wonder if it leads somewhere that will bring a happy surprise, or turn into a disappointing dead end?
There are times you get to choose your path and other times, your path is chosen for you through no control of your own. The latter tends to bring some big challenges, testing your faith in the Dream Giver and teaching you exactly what you need to learn (and master) before you may move forward.
I can hear a collective gasp at the thought of "no control". No control equals fear and being forced to live outside of one's comfort zone. We do love our comfort, especially in American culture. We Americans are spoiled rotten by our ease and comfort, and unless you have been outside this great country's borders and have seen what this life has brought to other cultures, you will remain as one who wears blinders. But I digress......that is also for a future post.
This week, I moved down the path toward the dream that never sleeps--my inexhaustible desire to be with horses. I had not been around these lovely animals for 2 years and could hardly stand to wait any longer.
My very generous friends and acquaintances at Union Hill Polo Club welcomed me and my husband, Leland, to the polo grounds on Sunday to watch a match and take photographs. Afterward, my very sweet and generous friend, Tina, offered me the opportunity to cool down her mare, Tobi. I gladly wore Tina's sweaty helmet and hopped on Tobi to walk her around for her cooldown. I have long admired this fearless polo pony and was very happy to just walk her around the arena.
The club owner, Eric, then kindly allowed me to ride one of his horses, Nicki (sorry if I have misspelled her name). Nicki is the most laid back horse I have ever sat on--what we in the equestrian community call "bomb proof". Not only does she possess a wonderful temperment, but she is a dream to ride, with smooth, comfortable gaits. I happily rode Nicki around the arena, walking, trotting, and then into a canter. I felt as though I had never stopped riding, thanks to Nicki's easy gaits.
Just one word sums up time in the saddle--bliss.
Then it happened. I felt a tug in my back and I knew this was not a good sign. At that moment, life took me down the fork in the path that I never would have chosen of my own accord.
A day and a half later, I found myself with terrible back pain, in the chiropractor's office. I lay there with my back muscles in spasms, in tears, due not only to the pain, but the maddening halt to pursuing this desire of my heart to ride. I had to ask God, "Why?" And I wondered how in the world I could have done any damage riding such easy horses. It wasn't as though I was careening down the arena, leaning off my horse while taking swipes at the ball with a mallet.
Along my journey, I have learned a few simple facts: There is a reason for everything, and the timing of the realization of dreams is not ours, but God's. As a result, there is peace in the pain. And while I am not the most patient person on this planet (gross understatement there), learning this has taught me to release my outcomes and to actually trust God for my dreams. Yes, that means loosening the white-knuckle grip I have on them and surrendering all of my dreams entirely to His will. Since He gave them to me, it should be up to Him to determine how they show up, or whether they show up.
Now I know, whatever the outcome, it's all good when I believe, and am grateful, that He has what is best for me in His heart, and really does want me to be happy. That state of being is the receiving mode for all blessings.
Dear Reader, it is my hope that these words will encourage your heart today.
Much love,
Lynne
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Welcome!
Here begins a new blog, which I intend to write with the hope that my stories will inspire others to follow their dreams.
I have been blessed. It sounds like a simple statement, but behind it lies a magnitude of emotions that will never be expressed in mere words. It is the sort of feeling that causes one to fairly burst at the seams and utter only the simplest of thanks to God. Blessed, yes, but it has not been without what, at times, has felt like excruciating suffering, and without which, I doubt the feelings of gratitude would be nearly as immense as they are.
I wish to thank you in advance, dear reader, for following along in my journey. I will promise to be honest and courageous, in the hopes that you will be encouraged on your own journey of pursuing what the Dream Giver has placed in your heart and soul.
With love,
Lynne
I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. --Henry David Thoreau
I have been blessed. It sounds like a simple statement, but behind it lies a magnitude of emotions that will never be expressed in mere words. It is the sort of feeling that causes one to fairly burst at the seams and utter only the simplest of thanks to God. Blessed, yes, but it has not been without what, at times, has felt like excruciating suffering, and without which, I doubt the feelings of gratitude would be nearly as immense as they are.
I wish to thank you in advance, dear reader, for following along in my journey. I will promise to be honest and courageous, in the hopes that you will be encouraged on your own journey of pursuing what the Dream Giver has placed in your heart and soul.
With love,
Lynne
I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. --Henry David Thoreau
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