No Answers

Tragedy seems to have become all too common in recent U.S. history. The torture and murder of the American Ambassador and his defenders in Libya, on the 11th anniversary of the World Trade Center attacks, and now, a horrifying and gut-wrenching murder of innocent first grade children in a school in Newtown, CT, are just 2 examples.

Leland and I have been comparing this time we're in, to the events that took place in the 1960's--the assassinations of President Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Robert Kennedy; the cold war and threats of nuclear devastation--when people in America were terrified and dismayed by what they were witnessing.

I was only one year older than those first graders, who were murdered on Friday by an insane gunman, when President Kennedy was shot and killed in Dallas, TX. I still remember it vividly--the teachers crying, the reporters on TV, watching the caisson rumble down the streets, the horse without a rider and stirrups with backward-turned boots, and JFK's son saluting as his father's casket passed.

No doubt I remember much about November 22nd, 1963, because of the yearly reminders throughout time, that are now American history, but there were no reporters at Tecumseh Elementary School to chronicle what happened there. Those frightening memories were burned into my brain and have stayed there.

I wonder how much the surviving children of Sandy Hook School will remember about that horrible day their school was terrorized. My heart aches for them.

School, theater, and mall shootings. Planes full of innocent people flown into buildings full of innocent people. Murder by plane, car, firearm, knife; even a hammer, I read today. No reverence or respect for human life.

Do you wonder how we got here? Do you wonder why God allows such awful tragedy? Do you blame God for the evil that is part and parcel of life, since the beginning of human existence outside Eden? 

I don't have answers. I have theories--possible explanations based on observation of human behavior, modern American culture, and what I read in Scripture. I won't bother to pontificate because it will not bring back 20 first grade children. It won't relieve the unspeakable grief the parents endure as they prepare to bury their precious ones.

When I allow myself to imagine being in their places and having my children's lives (or my 3-year-old granddaughter's) suddenly and senselessly ended, I am sick to my stomach. And I pray, which is all there is left to do now, for God to pour his love, peace, and presence upon those who remain to live with the aftermath. As they seek him, this is his promise:

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

A Change Of Season

Nature is an amazing teacher. So much of it reflects our inner lives, and the lessons abound.

With the fall season came brilliant colors and delightful weather for our enjoyment. It is my favorite time of year, hands down.

Pre-ride grooming--he's already excited

When I owned horses, it was also my favorite time of year to ride. I would get to the barn every chance I could, excited to ride out and see all the vibrant colors and feel a cool breeze as we galloped through the grass. Pep was anything but the deadhead, bomb-proof stereotypical Quarter Horse gelding. He was the smartest, most energetic and athletic QH I've owned or known. Born and bred for cutting, he loved having a job to do, but he also loved fall trail rides as much as I did. That first cool breeze up his nose would have him walking at nearly a trot pace, ears forward, spooking at leaves blowing across the ground. There was nothing dull about my best friend.

Fall is also a tough time of year for me, since I am currently not riding. It's ingrained in me to head to the barn and ride out, and then I remember--not now. It's another part of me--the equestrian I am at my God-created core, from my earliest memories--that I surrender to God's timing.

In characteristic fall style, the weather is widely variable and difficult to predict. It can be downright heavenly and alternately dreary and cold. So it is with our lives this year.

This fall, amidst some dreary days of life's challenges, we have been blessed to welcome a new family member; our son-in-law, Ross. Laurie, my youngest daughter, married her Starbucks crush, on October 20th. The day could not have been more beautiful, from the setting on a northwest Virginia horse farm to the beautiful couple, ceremony, and their guests. What an absolute joy and blessing!

That weekend, we learned our family has grown even more, with the announcement of (daughter and son-in-law) Alison and Chris's baby on the way!

Parents-to-be, Alison & Chris

Since that weekend in October, we've faced the challenges of a week down with flu, losing a lucrative photo shoot, and a costly home repair due to water damage; alternately, with some great business successes. Leland and I continue to move excitedly toward our business partnership.

Nature tells me that winter and the quiet stillness of dormancy is right around the corner. In our lives, however, we feel as though spring is appearing and life is stirring again. Buds are appearing, along with the hope and promise of renewed life. I pray this is our season:

The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, 

to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands.

Deuteronomy 28:12

While We Wait

We see things happening, but still, we're not where we envision ourselves to be.

While we wait, we endure.

While we wait, sometimes we get angry. Sometimes, we cry. Sometimes, we laugh.

While we wait, we persevere.

While we wait, we do what we have to do, over and over again. While we wait, we endure seemingly endless trials.

While we wait, we trust.

While we wait, we surrender. Sometimes we are encouraged. Sometimes, great things happen. Sometimes we are overwhelmed with this earthly life.

While we wait, we grow. 

While we wait, we become spiritually attuned. Sometimes we get disconnected. Sometimes we are as near to heaven as we can ever be this side of the veil.

While we wait, one foot here in the physical; one foot there, in heaven itself.

While we wait, heaven waits for us. 

While we wait, and heaven waits, we dream. Sometimes, in our dreams, we catch a glimpse of the reality that awaits us.

While we wait. Bodies here, spirit here and there; one day to journey no more.

Someday, to be, home.

"Path" by Akiane Kramarik

In order to choose the right path, we do not have to figure out the wrong one ~ we just need to follow the light. --Akiane

So Much Good

Good is everywhere, despite the uneasiness we have felt. Believe it.

It's time to share the good stuff happening in our world of late. [Yea God!]

Leland On Location Photographic Images, Inc. has seen a consistent uptick in business since the second quarter of this year. In addition, we adjusted rates and are enjoying a new level of clientele that are very professional and respectful. In particular, we were thrilled recently to have had the privilege of shooting an event for Coca-Cola Refreshments--a big development for us.

Me, all business-like. ©Wray Photo

The legal wheels are turning (thank you for your diligence, Heather Wright) to acquire certification as a woman-owned business, increasing our likelihood of being booked for shoots with the big guys, who have minority quotas to be concerned with.

I'm looking forward to this more than you know. Here's why:

I've experienced a lot of loss in my lifetime; one of those being a job, victim of the company's financial cutbacks. As a result, I started a consulting business in 2006. I discovered I loved being an entrepreneur; being invested in something that was my own rather than working in a corporate culture where hard work goes unappreciated and where you're invisible, until you make a mistake. Fast forward to the recession. My primary client (and others) disappeared as they struggled for their own survival, and I closed the business.

It excites me to think of having ownership in a business again--to partner with my husband--not just sit on the sidelines watching, or take an occasional role here and there. I will be showing up every day on purpose, committed to success; financially, as well as in quality and client satisfaction--as is our usual practice. I'll be invested in something again.

Let me tell you right now, when God decides it's time, things move.

His time, not our made-up time. 

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me. --Psalm 13: 1, 5-6

Uneasy Times

For several days I have felt a very disturbing uneasiness--a foreboding.

This is a time, I want to say, that is unprecedented in American history, but since I am not a scholar of that history, I can't really declare that with accuracy. I can accurately say, however, that this is an unprecedented time in my history as an American.

America is on the edge of a dangerous precipice, that, if the re-election of our current President occurs, will push her over into the abyss of tyranny so many have shed blood to protect her from. 

We will no longer be the country of the Declaration of Independence. It will be as Thomas Jefferson warned when he wrote, "The Democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those willing to work and give to those who would not."

If there is no Democracy, what then? The tyranny of big government. The reason for the American Revolution.

Have you ever had your house broken into? Have you been robbed? Have you been mugged on the street for anything of value you might have? It leaves you feeling violated and fearful, doesn't it?

Government will mug you, take what you worked for, and leave you feeling violated. Nothing new, right? Just wait.

To add to that, Muslim terrorists chose the 11th anniversary of the World Trade Center attack to invade the American embassy in Libya, torturing and murdering the ambassador, along with 3 other American servicemen. No one in our current administration wants to call this an act of war though.

Is it because not enough Americans were killed this time? Is it because the attack was not within US borders? Is it because we have an ineffective leader in the White House? You bet we do, and apparently he knows that's how Americans feel right about now.

Word got out a couple of days ago that the Obama's have a Hawaiian retirement mansion, valued at $35,000,000, available January 2013. Nice friends the Obama's have, to redistribute their wealth and buy their friends such a fancy gift. If not for them, the moving vans would be heading from the White House, back to Chicago.

So we have the ruination of the country of the Declaration of Independence, and rampant radical Muslims on an insane mission to kill people that disagree with them (after their Friday prayers, of course) and that no one in our government seems to be willing to do anything about; not even protect its own people.

Stop a second. You know what's worse than all this? People I know and love are fighting cancer. In a couple of weeks, our friend and my husband's cousin are both undergoing bilateral mastectomy in the battle against breast cancer. And Leland, who has previously had malignant melanoma and squamous cell carcinoma, had 2 more skin biopsies last week. Thank God, they were benign, but unnerving to both of us, nonetheless.

Fear. All around us, prowling around, looking to consume us. I feel vulnerable; hyper-sensitive to the negativity all over the world.

Stop. Breathe.

Listen. There is a quiet voice within, God's spirit, speaking the truth.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear... -I John 4:18

...set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. -Colossians 3:1-2

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -Proverbs 3:5

And when we step back out into the fray, I suppose we might do well to take Mr. Jefferson's advice along:

“Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.”  

Peace to you--have a blessed weekend.

I'm Still Here!

To say, it's been busy, is an understatement. What a great thing to be putting into words!

It was just a month ago I was listening to the deafening silence, waiting.....

Since then, Leland and I have made some business decisions, consulted our attorney regarding those decisions, and have seen a dramatic turn in the type of client and work they have brought to us.

So, here are the reasons I have not been consistently blogging here:

• I am now partner in Leland On Location Photographic Images, Inc., soon to be legally so, we hope. I am taking an active role as CFO, co-creative, and chief troublemaker. Okay, so that last one isn't a new role for me...shut up.
• I've been blogging HERE, and have made our company blog my top priority. Since I believe so strongly in my husband's talents and abilities, it is really fun for me to choose a photo and blog his story around it. He rocks.
• I'm still working part-time in retail hell. Counting the days until my $8/hour (before taxes) wage no longer makes a significant contribution to the family finances. Angel choirs will sing. 
• I'm in wedding countdown with my daughter, Laurie, and the rest of the fam. We're SO excited!
• On a more somber note, Leland and I have a good friend, and a cousin, both diagnosed with breast cancer and both undergoing bilateral mastectomy in just a couple weeks. This has so unnerved me (imagine how they feel) that I've found it hard to concentrate and focus.

Here's the story on that breakthrough I mentioned a couple of posts ago. Last week, we traveled to the Charlotte area to photograph a power generating facility for an international client. This is such an answer to prayer for several reasons: we have been praying and working toward winning a higher caliber of clientele; they had a dream shoot list that included aerials, exteriors, and interior shots; they respected Leland's talent enough to book him out of town and to pay his fee and travel expenses, without argument.

We are turning a corner, friends! God is faithful, he cares about our little lives and what happens to us.

This has been my purpose for blogging our personal journey all these months--to encourage someone else and to give God a broader audience to the proof of his faithfulness.

Good night, and God bless you!

Musings And Ponderings

I have several days away from my part-time, hopefully (now that our business is running at superspeed) temporary job, to consider all that has happened there--and most importantly, what it has taught me.

• The work has been of some financial benefit to us, even at $8/hour and 20-something hours/week. All work has value. 
• I've cleaned public bathrooms, been patronized, belittled, and unappreciated. I've been humbled and I have had to look to God for the strength to accept it.
• I have witnessed some fairly hideous drama among the co-workers. I confess I have been a participant in some instances, but in some I have chosen to simply put distance between me and it. In all instances, I have sincerely desired to do my job to the best of my ability.
• Power hungry people exist on even the most menial of job levels, as does poor leadership. 
• I enjoy the horse community, for the most part; especially those who are beginning or returning riders. Their enthusiasm is easy to identify with and sharing in it is happiness. 
• Some co-workers, like family, are alternately a joy and a challenge for me to be unselfish and loving.
• I can push myself through illness, exhaustion, and pain. God made me strong in my weakness. 
• I don't do my job for anyone's approval, but to honor God. 

I'd like to share a brilliant quote, by Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf: "You learn far more from negative leadership than from positive leadership. Because you learn how not to do it. And, therefore, you learn how to do it." All of my jobs that I can rank as having had the worst leadership, as awful as the experiences have been, have taught me such valuable lessons on how to lead people. Perhaps, one day I will have the chance to put my lessons into practice again, but my fondest hope and prayer is that my partnership in business with my husband, and my modeling career, will soon be my full-time pursuits. 

For the most part, this short message contains simple truth (the point of this journey through life is to learn from the unhappy parts, so don't run from them). I am committing it to memory because, while I have oftentimes failed to live it, I desire to.

Life is too short. We should all be living like we're dying. We are. I have simply to remember those I've lost to cancer, as well as those who are in the battle for their lives, to want to do everything I can to live a God-honoring, abundant life--not simply survive.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 

Everyone have a wonderful, happy, and blessed weekend!