Surprise #2: Grief

Sunday, was the 4th day since being rudely dismissed from the office where I was working under a contract agreement. I thought I had been doing fine since then, albeit disappointed it didn't work out. At least I felt safe and able to detox from the hostile environment I was in for 5 weeks.

And then......

Getting ready for bed that night, I found myself suddenly feeling alternately very sad, confused, and wanting answers I couldn't have.

Sad.

• For 2 weeks I was so excited and happy to have work again. I was contributing and I could see Leland's stress ease and attitude improve. I can't believe we're back where we started.
• We had lost a friend. Never easy. Rather a heartbreak. 
• Every day we watch our checking account balance get lower. My faith is again tested.

I laid in bed, wide-eyed, unable to sleep. I sat up and told Leland, with tears welling,

I'm so sad.

Confused.
Exhausted.
Over. It.

Why has our situation not found a remedy? After a relatively good business year in 2014, must we repeat the previous 3 years?

How long Lord?, King David said all those millennia ago. His words echo through the ages, right into my heart.

Then, I began the slide down the slippery slope of comparison. I started to think of all the people I know who have been mean, hurtful, manipulative, lied--someone I called friend, someone I called husband, a brother, a sister, an employer--and in every case, these people continue to not just survive, they thrive and live well. I don't get it.

Answers, please.

I wanted to know how and why life works this way. I watch Leland work so hard and give away so much of his time and talent, from a true heart of generosity and love for people. I've prayed for God to bring him a 10-fold reward for all he does. Still waiting, while the scales tip in favor of those who don't ever seem to suffer for the pain they've caused.

Once again I am drawn back to the story of Job; the last few chapters.

Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? (40:2)
Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself? (40:8) 

If I know what's good for me, I'll repeat Job's answer to God, in chapter 42.

I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. 

And then what did Job do? He "repented in dust and ashes," then he prayed for his friends (who had been anything but a help, by the way).

After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before. (42:10)

So I go back to David's psalm, the 13th. And I read it all the way through.

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me? 

 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
          and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

 But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation. 

 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me. 

Celebration of Life

Yesterday, Leland and I attended the memorial service at Buckhead Church for our friend, Kathy Marotta. We heard stories of her life--struggles, overcoming, serving others, teaching, writing, relating--from her friends and Pastor, Jeff Henderson. 

We grieved, we laughed, and we left with hope--hope in the promises of Jesus for life that never ends and eternity with Him, if we simply believe.

I have a story about Kathy that I would like to share with you now; testimony to her heart and her giving nature.

Around the time that Kathy's book, No Burning Bushes, was due to be released, she came to Leland's studio to sit for head shots. She could light up a room. She laughed and had a great time through the entire photo shoot. She was a natural in front of the camera.

As she sat in the office reviewing the pictures on the monitor with Leland, the conversation turned at some point and I was telling her about some of my recent struggles. I wish I remember the conversation well enough to quote what she said, but honestly, it was what she did that I remember.

She reached into her purse and dug around for a minute (it was a really big purse), and when her hand reached what she was searching for, she pulled it out and said, Here.

I opened my hand, and in it, she placed a tiny glass cross.

I stood there for a second, just looking at its beauty. I said something profound like, Wow, this is so beautiful! I asked her if it was Murano glass, and she told me it was, and that she had bought it while on a trip to Italy.

I started to hand it back to her when she said, No, you keep it.

Shocked, touched, speechless for a second, I looked into her beautiful eyes and told her thank you. She just smiled and said, You're welcome.



A random act of compassion and generosity; a moment between us that I will always treasure. She pointed me to the cross.

If there's anything Kathy will be remembered for, it's her heart for people and compassion for their suffering.

In remembrance of Kathy's giving spirit, her family has asked that anyone wishing to do so, donate to two charities:

• Charity Water 
• Global X - Bosnia: In Project Category, select Ministry Projects from the dropdown menu, then select Global X-Bosnia in the Project dropdown menu. Continue with supplying personal and payment information.

Our loss would be redeemed by these charities being supported, particularly the one closest to her heart, the Evangelical Church of Capljina, Bosnia-Herzegovina. 

Take time to celebrate life today. Be grateful, be content, be hopeful.