Life Is Contrast

Leland had a great March with lots of business, and mostly all clients paid in a timely manner. As good as that was, April has been the exact opposite. We are halfway through the month with an upcoming week away and no bookings for the remainder.

We met with Dwayne last night. While I appreciate the fact that he would take time out of his very busy life to spend an hour working on our financial mess, I have reached the point where I truly believe I have had enough.

Dwayne looked over the spreadsheet and the receivables, and the hammer came down.

Directing his comments to Leland, he said, You guys need income or you aren't eating. Set a goal date, and if you haven't seen an increase in your income by then, it's time to do something besides photography.

To someone who has been shooting for 32 years, what else is there, I asked.

Dwayne shrugged his shoulders, followed by something about Starbucks or Home Depot, but I had zoned out.

I excused myself to go to the kitchen for a cup of tea. It was my only escape.

We have both applied for jobs; everything we could find, from Trader Joe's to Lockheed Martin. It's not like we haven't been trying, but we have not even had the first response to any of our applications. There are so many people competing for every opportunity out there.

As we wrapped up the torture for the evening, Dwayne was apologetic for being so harsh sounding, and being the nice guy he is, tried to lighten things up by talking about our trip to Florida for the family reunion.

Too little, too late.

After he left, I numbly set about gathering up my clothes to be ironed; my mind whirling with conflict over the reality of our situation and God's promises for provision, a future and hope. The battle raged, in more ways than one. Leland and I ended our night with me losing my patience and him yelling and cursing at me. I have never seen or heard him like this, and it scared me.

I turned away, went upstairs, and proceeded to cry Niagra Falls as I sat on the top step. Stella sat next to me, front paws up on my leg, and with her usually perky ears drooping, looked me right in the eyes as if she was trying to say something.

I think it was, I love you. At least, that's what it felt like.

We leave tomorrow for our Great Escape--the long-awaited week with my beloved family. I have far more pleasant things in my future; a newly-engaged daughter, and a future son-in-law to welcome to the family.

Joy in sorrow, blessings in troubled times--the contrasts of life in this physical realm.

God Bless The Kind Among Us

One thing about being in a tough financial situation is the realization that, generally speaking, the world seems like a very cold, hard place to be.

Case in point, I called Fidelity Bank to inquire of an account manager about the possibility of a loan payment holiday. They had offered this a few times in the past and I thought they might again, if I asked.

You never know until you ask, right?

My answer was swift and heartless.

Unemployment is not a hardship, Mrs. Holder, according to our policies.

Oh really?

I explained to the account manager that if it wasn't, I didn't know what was. I thought, Terminal illness, maybe? She followed her statement on unemployment with the contractual obligation speech, basically saying only employed people should have car loans.

I explained to her that I DID have a job when I bought the car, but no matter, I ended the conversation by explaining to her that I would deal with the payment that month, but the next month there wouldn't be one, because the car would be sold.

Okay, was her response. I thanked her for her time, said goodbye, and walked away feeling about as low as road kill.

The world doesn't give a crap about hurting people. It just sucks.

I sold my car a couple weeks later and paid off the loan. It's funny how that felt. I was crushed and relieved all at the same time.

Practice Kindness

Now for a complete 180.

Waiting until the last possible moment, with fear and trembling of nearly Biblical proportions, I called Chase credit card services to explain that I could not make my payment by the due date (a first for me), but would have the money next week.

This time, I heard a sympathetic, very helpful person with a soft, non-judgmental voice on the other end of the conversation. She offered me options, with the reassurance that I'm not the only one going through a rough patch right now.

I chose the option to make the payment next week, understanding there would be a late fee assessed.

To hear someone in a financial institution say she hoped I didn't take what she was saying as hard or unsympathetic was, even in light of the situation, uplifting. She, like the character in the drawing, was trying to shield me from hurt.

Without a lot of effort, what a difference practicing a little kindness can have.

p.s. The car loan was paid off with a perfect record.  I received a credit card offer from Fidelity Bank in the mail today, which I immediately filed in the nearest bin. *smile*