Photo Credit: © 2006 Lynne Holder

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

One Of The 3 Out Of 10

I'm going to take a moment and allow myself to sidetrack on an issue that is really beginning to bug the heck out of me.

I've been reading far too many "Atta Boys" for Tommy Jordan and his childish, vengeful actions against his daughter's Facebook rant, that I feel compelled to voice my side of the discussion on whether he is a good or bad parent. 

I have seen some people actually writing that they would vote for this guy if he were to run for President.

God help us.

First, let me say that no one can be judged on their overall parenting skills based on, as he calls it, his 8 minutes and 23 seconds of fame. He has obviously provided well for his daughter, or she wouldn't be acting like the spoiled child she appears to be (and yes, I do realize she's 15 and childish rants are par for the course).

However--I take issue with the fact that he says in his video response to Dr. Phil that what he did in his original video fiasco of blasting his daughter and shooting her laptop, was "accidental". 

Mr. Jordan, do you not see that you are so much on your teenage daughter's level? You responded to her tirade against you in the same teenage fashion. Then you made excuses (it was an accident) when you were called out on it. 

Dr. Phil is accurate in his assessment, in my humble opinion. Tommy Jordan didn't commit the worst act of parenting in history, but it was a severe lack of judgment on his part. He missed an incredible teaching moment for his daughter; one that would have probably changed her life and caused a degree of growth.

Would it not have been much more impactful, albeit, less attention-getting, to tell his daughter that her behavior was completely unacceptable, and that as a result of her disrespect, she would lose her privilege of owning a laptop? Just imagine if he had been the adult and had an adult conversation with her about her behavior, then put her and her laptop in the car and driven her to the nearest battered women's shelter or homeless family shelter, and had her personally hand over the laptop to those who could never afford one. I guarantee that a day spent with those who don't have a fraction of what this girl has been blessed with, and hearing their stories, would change her life.

Sadly, none of this happened, and now what we have is yet another sensation-filled, reality TV-ready drama. Tommy Jordan is now infamous. But it was all by accident.

Mr. Jordan, I'm proud to be one of the 3 out of 10 who think your actions showed a severe lack of maturity and sound judgment. You have perpetuated in this next generation what has, as you have stated, been your experience when you could have raised the bar for her.

For you and your family, I wish you the best; that you would take this experience, the lessons it has hopefully taught you, and quietly move on. America doesn't need anymore trashy "reality". 


  1. Amen, mother. And that is why your children turned out so beautifully thankful for every small thing that we have worked for in our lives :)

  2. Thank you very much Laurie. You and your sisters and brother make me so proud every day. You have all worked so hard to reap the wonderful benefits you enjoy today. Love you bunches!

  3. You are so right, Lynne. This guy could have taught his daughter a valuable lesson and helped others. This guy's rant made national headlines on trash talk shows. Is this what popular culture has brought to our country? I feel so bad for the younger generation!

  4. Sadly, not just national, but he now has international recognition, so I hear from the Matt Lauer-Phil McGraw interview. I share your feelings.

  5. Hello Lynne Holder & Others That Made it Here

    There are so many complexities & dimensions inside the morality tale of "Tommy the Trickster" that less aware & educated people cannot see A Bigger Picture - or make sense of this, at least for some good souls, not yet.

    Where to begin to explain or describe this tale's meaning to someone un or less aware? For them to even begin to even want to understand it's underlying meanings, they'd have to admit they simple don't understand them, but would like to.

    For those who already know, or at least have an inkling that something is "off" but still don't know exactly what IT is, I invite a discussion here.

    First of all, to help introduce myself, I am a mother of 4 grown daughters (step & bio) and I am a gramma. I have a Masters Degree that emphasized Critical Thinking. I've traveled around the world & gave myself great counseling & good parenting & a loving marriage. I am one of those who went of my way to reach out & discover & understand different lifestyles/cultures/viewpoints. This I did all on my way towards my own peaceful passing over to the Hereafter. As a result of years of trials & errors, I've finally come to a personal conclusion that love, compassion & empathy for myself & others are THEE most important. I am now a Whole & Happy Enough Being.

    Well now, to help begin a discussion about "The Tale of Tommy the Trickster", what are some of the human blunders or mistakes he understandably made & WHAT & HOW can we learn from them to help improve our own lives & the lives of others?

    Lynne - Thank you so much - you already provided an example of one of them in your Feb 21, 2012 article above called "One Of The 3 Out Of 10".

    You wrote: "He missed an incredible teaching moment for his daughter; one that would have probably changed her life and caused a degree of growth."

    I will add another example of a missed opportunity, I welcome other examples, and more as we go along, and they are not in any order of importance, at least not yet. Or at least not until after we tenderly study the different layers of meanings in our own hearts & discover what is most important for each of us right now - in our understanding of what is important to us at this moment in time.

    Well. To help get the ball rolling: Here is one example of a blunder Tommy committed - and it is a common human mistake to react to - it is that he was & is still worried (as of Feb 23, 2012) about appearing weak or "soft". He fears losing credibility/status/power/control... . For eg. In his first video he overreacted to this fear with a show of excessive force - by using a gun & extreme public humilation to intimidate his daughter & her friends - thus he revealed his weakness. (We could talk about his weaknesses as well as his strengths soon).

    In his second video he DID say he was not proud about his use of a gun BUT that he still stood by what he did. He hasn't gotten IT yet, and he may never get IT. He has not come clean yet. Why? What Tommy appears to not grasp yet, is that admitting his mistakes & correcting them is not a sign of weakness instead admitting to mistakes is a clear sign of strength. It demonstrates that he knows he erred, and most of all it demonstrates that he is honest, responsible, and wise. This kind of person, whether a parent or a president, is worthy of being admired & followed.

    I have Subscribed to this Blog by email. If I don't respond right away, thank you for your patience. Thanks for being here.

    1. Hello and welcome, Passing Through! Thank you for visiting, commenting, and subscribing.

      I appreciate your most thoughtful and insightful comment.

      I can especially appreciate your observation regarding Tommy's efforts to cover up his fear of losing power and control. I completely agree that in his overreaction he only managed to show himself weak, rather than the strength he was hoping to project.

      Generally speaking, men despise being disrespected above all else. With this understanding, it's not difficult to see that Tommy's reaction is commensurate with his daughter's broadcasting her disrespect to hundreds of people.

      On the other side of this coin, generally speaking, women value being loved above all else. From this woman's perspective, if my father had displayed this type of behavior toward me, publicly, I would be in fear; certainly not loved.

      As a parent of 3 daughters and 1 son, I am well aware that parents show love to their children by disciplining them when they misbehave. To do otherwise would have been irresponsible to the children.

      But disciplining in love and disciplining from a place of fear, and its root cause, insecurity, is more harmful than helpful.

      As I've stated before, had Tommy been the adult instead of ranting on his daughter (equaling her level of maturity), they might have both grown a bit and strengthened their relationship. As it is now, I can't imagine it is healthier for all the international attention to their family drama.

      Despite all that's happened, I sincerely hope that when this young lady becomes a mother herself, she will end the cycle she and her father are presently in, and do better.

      Great discussion! Thank you!

  6. Hi Lynne (and anyone else who is here)

    Before I forget to mention this, any raw polls are actually meaningless in helping us make good decisions. As a researcher, I immediately understand how inaccurate raw polls are. They are misleading. Actually, raw polls are a waste of time & energy except for those who unwisely use them to manipulate & divide people for selfish reasons. For eg, raw polls results during political campaigns should not be believed by anyone, including politicians.

    So with that said, thank you Lynne for the reminder to wish Tommy's daughter well & to think ahead into her future; and perhaps if she has a child or children that they too will be well-loved.


    Before I continue, I'd like to say that my intention here is to help myself & others here learn a few life lessons from Tommy's mistakes. With this good hearted intention I will say here that there is another blunder that Tommy made. It ties into your generalizied statement of the different needs males & females have Lynne. I am referring to your comment of how males need respect & females need love.

    In regards to this difference, the blunder Tommy made, as well as his supporters & non-supporters alike are making is this: They/We are thinking that other people think like they/we do. This can be called "Mirror Imagining".

    A real life example of this is in the movie & story of "Temple Grandin". It's a story about cattle ranchers who did not understand their cattle & as a result mistreated them -- that is until Ms Grandin was hired by the ranchers to help treat the cattle more humanely.

    Well, I'll round this post up by saying that the Tommy's-of-the-world could benefit us all & themselves by learning the lesson in a poem by Robert Burns. It goes like this: "O would some Power the gift to give us. To see ourselves as others see us! It would from many a blunder free us... ."

    Thanks for being here.

    1. Hi there--totally agree with you about polls. The NBC Today Show poll I cited was a random viewer sampling that served their purposes, but can hardly be considered statistically reliable.

      The world is split on the question of Tommy's wisdom in decided to do what he did, but when has it ever been the case that everyone sees things the same?

      People become so angry, defensive, divisive, and just plain nasty because they/we, for some reason, assume everyone should be just like them/us. I have teased my husband more than once when he's become upset about politics or social issues by telling him, "And everyone thinks just like you, right?".

      With that said, knowing that Tommy will likely not admit that he erred in judgment for his revenge video against his daughter, or that he further showed weakness by calling the whole video "an accident", I simply agree to disagree with him and his choice of parenting techniques. Not everyone is at the same place or learned the same lessons.

      I will offer to my readers that, of course, I have made my share of mistakes and poor choices in parenting my 4 children, but I have personal experience using a very calm, adult approach to a major issue with a teenage daughter. Our relationship is strong today.

      In those cases when I know I erred, I have not been ashamed to say "I'm sorry", unlike my parents. I hope that I stopped the cycle of false pride with my own family.

      I believe we are a strong, loving family today because we admit to our fallibility, and offer each other grace.

  7. Hello again Lynne & anyone who managed to get here

    I too, like you Lynne, am a member of the universal group called "Parents Who Made Mistakes", yet I consciously went out of my way to join another group called "I Am Sincerely Sorry Dear Child". That second membership is why my step & biological children still talk, hug/visit/laugh/hang out with me & why I am a happier person, and so are they.

    There is nothing better in my life & probably in most everyone's life, than having loving and humbling heart connections. To have these connections, apologies are essential. And they are good for everyone. So if a parent is reading this, and is even a little bit twinged in their conscience while reading your blog here, may they decide to completely apologize to their child or children. And be a happier soul for doing this simple yet powerful act.


    There is something that I do want to go back to & it is something I wrote in my first entry here. It is how I described Tommy Jordan as a "Trickster". Others here may have already spotted this about him too. Here is why I describe him as being a Trickster.

    In mythology, and in the study of folklore and religion, a trickster is a god, goddess, spirit, man, woman, or animal who plays tricks or otherwise disobeys normal rules and conventional behavior. They can induce adult humans around them to engage in ridiculous and self-destructive hijinks, or just plain cause trouble. (see Wikipedia, subject "Trickster" and the works of Joseph Campbell).

    I believe Mr Jordan is an example of a Trickster, and here's why. Not only has he instigated a mass controversy that divides people; when you go to Greg Solomon's Channel on Youtube, there are two videos Mr Solomon created & uploaded. These videos help expose Tommy's con artistry. Mr Solomon's Channel can be found at

    On Mr Solomon's Youtube Channel look for two videos:

    1."Dad Shoots Laptop: VIDEO HOAX EXPOSED"
    In this video he exposes Tommy Jordan's "Facebook Parenting" video as a hoax.


    2. "Tommy Jordan - A Visit To His YouTube Page"
    This is his final video concerning Tommy. He comments on some of Tommy Jordan's other videos, and on Mr. Jordan himself.

    I also believe that Tommy's attempt at conning us is another blunder of his. In time the truth will be revealed and his credibility will finally be sadly but justifably destroyed. This is one of the greatest moral lessons we can learn from "The Tale of Tommy the Trickster": Be honest towards & be thoughtful of others.


    For anyone who is interested in learning more about the Trickster, below are just two of many many examples of information on the Internet about Tricksters:

    1. "Froggy the Gremlin" (a trickster that undermines) found at

    2. "The Trickster Archetype, modern day examples"
    found at


    Thanks for being here.

    1. I understand now what you meant by "Tommy the Trickster", after seeing Mr Solomon's videos.

      In light of the possibility that all of this is nothing but an attempt by Mr. Jordan at self-promotion by conning the world, I vote that the issue be put to rest here and let time reveal what it may.

      I appreciate your enlightening everyone here as to this possible hoax, which I tend to believe, by the way.

      No wonder Mr. Jordan won't give any interviews.

    2. Mr Jordan answers Mr Solomon's video here.

  8. Hi Lynne & Others Here

    I also vote that my discussion with you about Mr Jordan's behavior be put to rest here, unless others would like to add something more, or something new is revealed in time.

    Thank you for the platform here to freely express and exchange ideas Lynne.

    1. Passing Through, thank you for your contributions here.

      I'm glad you're in agreement. The subject may tire soon, or the drama may continue, but the controversy over who is telling the truth has had enough energy from here.

      Enjoy your day!

  9. Mr Jordan and Hannah are going to be on the Today Show this Wednesday, 3/7. Watch and see if you still think he is a "trickster."

    He talks about why he has delayed giving interviews on his blog

    1. Hi Patrick,

      We don't have cable TV, but maybe the interview will be available online at some point.

      I remain skeptical of the whole drama; different stories claiming to be the truth.

      The thing about lying is, it snowballs. It has to become bigger and bigger to maintain the story and to save face. I imagine if I knew I had told the truth, then it wouldn't matter to me what anyone else thought and I wouldn't need to be so defensive--posting defenses on Facebook and blogs, appearing on TV. I know the only one I have to answer to is God.

      It was only a matter of time before Tommy agreed to more exposure. Time may reveal all, but as I have said in the past, I have far more pressing matters to focus attention on than this bizarre stuff.

  10. Hello Patrckb, and all here.

    According to mythology, folklore & religion, a trickster is a god, goddess, spirit, man, woman, or animal who plays tricks or otherwise disobeys normal rules and conventional behavior. They can induce adult humans around them to engage in ridiculous and self-destructive hijinks, or just plain cause trouble. (see Wikipedia, subject "Trickster" and the works of Joseph Campbell).

    Therefore according to this description of a trickster & comparing this to Mr Jordan's behavior, yes indeed Patrckb, Mr Jordan has been influenced by the Trickster.

    Keep in mind also that Mr Jordan has at least one attorney & several advisors helping him edit his words & actions; and remember, he still has his videos up which are still being monetized. Also, his appearance on the Today Show will help increase the views of his videos, thus increasing his/YouTube's & other's financial profits.

    Thanks for being here.

    1. "Keep in mind also that Mr Jordan has at least one attorney & several advisors helping him edit his words & actions; and remember, he still has his videos up which are still being monetized. Also, his appearance on the Today Show will help increase the views of his videos, thus increasing his/YouTube's & other's financial profits."

      I have pointed out in Facebook discussions that Mr. Jordan has monetized his videos. It's turning into quite a business, with lawyers and advisors (one of those might be a financial planner at this point). He won't have time or the interest to work at the veterinary clinic with his wife anymore.

  11. Check this out:

    1. Here's the title: "'Laptop Shooting Dad' using fame for good cause"

    2. I'm glad to see he has used the fame to someone else's benefit. That doesn't change my opinion of his attempts to justify childish behavior on a par with a 15 year old as parenting.

      As always, I wish him and his family the best, hoping that the fame he has left, as he put it, is brief.