Photo Credit: © 2006 Lynne Holder

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Breaking Silence

I will say, right up front--this is hard. Pride makes being transparent hard.

I have thought carefully about whether to continue blogging, in light of the unhappy turn my and my husband's lives have taken, but my conclusion is, this is my canvas on which to paint. I wouldn't be the first to paint something that was scorned by some, but critics have never stopped me before. Why start now?

If you don't like harsh reality then navigate away right now; however, in my heart I hope you follow me on the path we are walking.

Neither one of us is dying. We enjoy reasonably good health, but the financial disaster that we have here feels like death--death of dreams, death of progress, death of any hope of a future. After all, the rest of our lives doesn't look very long at our ages. We need a resolution ASAP.
FYI, we haven't come to this by charging furniture, vacations, home remodeling (although that one was tempting), or other such keeping-up-with-the-Atlantans kinds of things, on our credit cards. No, we suffered the same losses as many others in the recession--upside down on the mortgage, loss of business (Leland is a freelance pro photographer), savings wiped out to survive, no luck in my job search--and when there's no cash, there's credit for survival. Emergencies happen. Medical and dental issues come up. All you can think is, just fix it and I'll gladly charge it to feel better.

You get the picture.

If you care to follow us on our journey, we have taken our first steps:
  • We have a Moneywise mentor through our church, North Point Community Church (, who we will meet this week. Part of that program is reading Dave Ramsey's The Total Money Makeover.
  • We are in counseling at The Summit (, to keep our marriage healthy as we go through what is the demise of many relationships.
  • We have spiritual support, and more, from our small group.
  • In the last few weeks we have pared over $700 from our monthly budget by selling my car (also ending the need for insurance), canceling U-Verse cable TV, and dropping our health insurance for membership in Christian Healthcare Ministries.

What is the point of our suffering and obstacles in life, if we don't share them? What if no one ever heard of how God guided us through this?

I want to shout the events of the journey to financial freedom from the rooftop.

That way, God's got an audience.


  1. Hey Lynne thank you for sharing. I am sure there are 100's of thousands of couples going through the same thing and when verbalized they can relate and know that they're not alone. Again you always write to the heart of mine and many. And yes GOD will prevail. Your journey may take you and Leland to some very dark places but my sister always told me and I have never forgotten "when things seem the darkest that's when GOD is working the hardest".

    It's funny I had a thought the other day that this world is in such a mess and there are people all over suffering. God is so incredibly busy that he must prioritize his blessings. Sometimes we get impatient and think he's not listening. But if he were Human and we could physically see him, he's so friggin busy that by the time he got to us he'd be huffing and puffing, bent over gasping for air just wanting to go to sleep and never wake up!! Imagine it.... we humans could NEVER take on the daunting tasks that God does!! In our selfishness we think he should answer us right away. But its in the waiting that we learn the lessons we need to prepare us for what's to come. Makes me think of another saying "if it were easy everyone would be doing it" And if God answered our prayers instantly WE would NEVER learn anything. Hang in there lady and Please NEVER stop writing!! ox B

  2. No doubt about it, there are tons of people in the life boat with us.

    Thanks for the encouragement, Bev. And to your plea that I never stop writing, I appreciate it very much. I haven't been able to quit for long. :)